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- The incident occurred at five forty-seven AM on the far reaches of the eastern
- suburb, about three-quarters of a mile from Road 78. Three of the vehicle's doors
- were missing entirely. No bodies were found, and no footsteps were seen leaving
- the upturned vehicle.
- Investigators found and catalogued the following items from the scene:
- - Five cellphane-wrapped lemon-flavored candies
- - Four compact discs, none in their proper cases:
- + Neil Young's 'After The Gold Rush'
- + The Bestskimos' titular EP
- + Kathleen Battle's Mozart arias, scratched beyond playability
- + A burned CD-R, bearing two redacted titles and the third
- unredacted title "The Factory of All: A Labor of Hate"
- - An unlocked, empty jewelry box with a mother-of-pearl inlay in a
- floral pattern on the top
- - A jet-black parrot of unknown origin and species whose sole utterance
- is the repeated phrase, "recidivism leads the pack!"
- - A book in Hungarian whose title translates as, "The Long Jaunt: A
- Postemptive Protospective," autographed in orange ink by a man who
- did not write the book, addressed to "My Dearest Fußballschuh"
- - A mirror which does not show the reflections of people whose names
- begin with vowels
- - A bottle of Zinfandel dated to 1983 from an Austrian winery named
- Die Krummengel, of which no independent record exists
- - A perfect white sphere with no mass to speak of, such that it must
- be enclosed in a container lest it float randomly away from any
- gravitational source
- - A heat lamp (broken)
- - Three sides of fries, extra crispy
- - A small handwritten note, in blocky, awkward handwriting, on a pure,
- crisp, white piece of card, containing the following text:
- > In the middle of night at the top of the sky
- > By the redolent field in which buffalo die
- > Come the last of those few lonely souls who will hiss
- > All the prayers of the holy and awful abyss
- After a short time, the police assigned to the case announced that all
- investigation would cease immediately. The items on this list were
- auctioned several months later. The fries were no longer any good.
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